I noticed how negative I was after I met a friend from England who visited Stockholm for a travel. He is an artist and has similar taste in music as me. We talked about music etc, then I noticed my mind of negative thoughts got cleared. Now I feel my confidence is recovered. So I can maybe ignore small human-relation problems. I mean I will maybe think that it’s a waste of my energy to be angry at people. It’s not an important thing any more if you have a few friends who has the same values as you.
I was trying to become accepted by people. I was forgetting what I used to love little by little and started to focus on something else to find something in common with people… to fit in the society. I was jealous at people who can enjoy listening to pop music, people who are political activists, environmental activists, vegans, exercisers etc. Because there are tons of communities for those people and you can find people with similar values easily. Sometimes I wish I could enjoy listening to pop music, enjoy being an environmental activist or an exerciser. But unfortunately I’m not into such things. I care about environment and my health of course but it’s not my favorite things to do. I only care about environment and my health to continue my life. And my life is music.
I had been suffering from depression for four years. But how easy it was to feel good! I just needed a few hours of conversation about music with a person with similar values. I needed to feel connected with people. I hope I can make more friends who like what I like. So I can keep being happy.
I finished Swedish as a second language 2 course a few days ago.
On the last day of the course, the teacher talked with all the students about their grades. She told me what I can and what I need to work on more. I thought it was a helpful advice even though I knew myself what is the weak point of my Swedish language skill.
But it seemed like the most of the students cared about which grade they and their friends got more than the advice from the teacher. They asked each other which grade they got… Why do they care about other people’s grade? Did they want to know if they were “better” than the other students? And they would try to find excuses if their grades were worse than the others. No matter what grade they get, they interpret it as they want. So what’s the point of comparing with other people? Is it so important to become the best student in the small class? If you really want to compare, compare you and your past instead!
Damn, I hate competition! I hate being judged! I don’t care which “alphabet” I got because the important thing for me is that simply I get satisfied with my knowledge and skill.
Today I drove to Värmdö for the first time. It was easy to drive there except for the highest bridge. I got a bit scared of the height of the bridge! But the bridge was crossed over the sea and the scenery from the bridge was so beautiful!! I wanted to look at the beautiful scenery more but I couldn’t because I had to focus on driving the car of course. Sometimes it’s too dangerous to drive a car in such a beautiful place. Next time I will drive to the sea and have a picnic on the beach and enjoy the sun!
I was in Sweden when the earthquake and tsunami happened in Japan on March 11 2011. I managed to reach my family by phone and they were fine. I was relieved. After that, I was checking news sites and following the timeline on Twitter to know what was going on. Then I got very shocked when I saw tsunami videos. I couldn’t believe it was happening in Japan. I didn’t feel it was real.
The next day another awful thing happened. I got to know about the nuclear accident. I thought it was the last day of Japan. I thought everything would be destroyed. I just wanted my family to escape as far as possible from the nuclear power plants. I really can’t forgive what the Japanese government did to us. They didn’t share information with us. They didn’t have any preparation for nuclear accidents. They hadn’t handed out iodine tablets to people living around the nuclear power plants. The government was afraid to lose trust in nuclear power. Because nuclear power was a tool to make money.
I have recently learned the word “instrumental rationality” which means “A specific form of rationality focusing on the most efficient or cost-effective means to achieve a specific end, but not in itself reflecting on the value of that end.” This word is very suitable to the Japanese government. I mean they think instrumental rationally. We should notice that our goal is not to make money but to have a good life!
Since that day I hate money. Because I realized it’s money that makes all the terrible things in the world.
I have seen a great film today. It’s an Iranian film called “Nader och Simin – A separation”.
It’s difficult to explain why it’s a great film. But I can say that I could feel the atmosphere and I got empathy for each characters. The religious woman who works for taking care of the old man looked mysterious. So you would be curious about what she is thinking about.
Also I loved how the film starts and ends! Really impressive! This is one of the greatest films I have seen recently.
I think I have got new hobbies. It’s driving a car and planting herbs and vegetables!
Yes, I grow only edible plants! :D
I drove to IKEA and bought some flowerpots yesterday.
When I came home, I sowed komatsuna (Japanese mustard spinach) seeds in one of the pots. I grow plants indoor by the window. Unlike in Japan, it’s warm and comfortable indoor in Sweden even during the winter. So everything should be in order except one thing. Yeah, the sun has to shine more! But soon I can get led light bulbs which have a similar color to the sun. I hope my komatsuna will be tricked by them :p