I noticed how negative I was after I met a friend from England who visited Stockholm for a travel. He is an artist and has similar taste in music as me. We talked about music etc, then I noticed my mind of negative thoughts got cleared. Now I feel my confidence is recovered. So I can maybe ignore small human-relation problems. I mean I will maybe think that it’s a waste of my energy to be angry at people. It’s not an important thing any more if you have a few friends who has the same values as you.
I was trying to become accepted by people. I was forgetting what I used to love little by little and started to focus on something else to find something in common with people… to fit in the society. I was jealous at people who can enjoy listening to pop music, people who are political activists, environmental activists, vegans, exercisers etc. Because there are tons of communities for those people and you can find people with similar values easily. Sometimes I wish I could enjoy listening to pop music, enjoy being an environmental activist or an exerciser. But unfortunately I’m not into such things. I care about environment and my health of course but it’s not my favorite things to do. I only care about environment and my health to continue my life. And my life is music.
I had been suffering from depression for four years. But how easy it was to feel good! I just needed a few hours of conversation about music with a person with similar values. I needed to feel connected with people. I hope I can make more friends who like what I like. So I can keep being happy.