I noticed how negative I was after I met a friend from England who visited Stockholm for a travel. He is an artist and has similar taste in music as me. We talked about music etc, then I noticed my mind of negative thoughts got cleared. Now I feel my confidence is recovered. So I can maybe ignore small human-relation problems. I mean I will maybe think that it’s a waste of my energy to be angry at people. It’s not an important thing any more if you have a few friends who has the same values as you.

I was trying to become accepted by people. I was forgetting what I used to love little by little and started to focus on something else to find something in common with people… to fit in the society. I was jealous at people who can enjoy listening to pop music, people who are political activists, environmental activists, vegans,¬†exercisers etc. Because there are tons of communities for those people and you can find people with similar values easily. Sometimes I wish I could enjoy listening to pop music, enjoy being an environmental activist or an exerciser. But unfortunately I’m not into such things. I care about environment and my health of course but it’s not my favorite things to do. I only care about environment and my health to continue my life. And my life is music.

I had been suffering from depression for four years. But how easy it was to feel good! I just needed a few hours of conversation about music with a person with similar values. I needed to feel connected with people. I hope I can make more friends who like what I like. So I can keep being happy.

2012-08-17 14.10.45

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